“You can’t keep doing this forever”


My last class of the semester finished earlier this week, and almost immediately I found myself feeling somewhat disoriented at the concept of not having assignments due for the week. This gave way to the realization that I had plenty of free time to do all the personal hobbies, work related tasks, and other personal projects that I enjoy and meant to do for fun that I had been putting off because I had to prioritize my schoolwork. So for a day or two I was able to devote myself to the various “fun stuff” and actual tasks that I typically do in my spare time; walking through my city, writing in coffee shops (for serious work stuff and for personal enjoyment such as this), painting, drawing, and sleeping among other things. And I enjoyed it for sure.

Today, as I was walking back home from a game store in my neighborhood, I began to consider something. This place is one I often like to go to play games for a few hours and enjoy myself, but as I was walking from that store, I began to think to myself “Playing tabletop games is fun, but at some point I may have to give it up and move on as my animation career moves forward.”

I can’t keep doing this forever.

My mind immediately wandered to other things that I liked to do. Things that I volunteer to do. Places that I go to. I thought to myself that many of those things were things that I would have to give up, or things that I would simply lose interest in. It’s all part of the growth and change we all experience as we go through our lives, and certainly what I went through in my life.

When I was younger, I had many different activities that I enjoyed. I liked to play various video games, and I liked to go to many different neighborhoods and just hang out in my free time and to look for a nice place to study for a few hours. I would go to this wood, or that wood. I would play this game for a bit, and then my interest would shift to something else. I would draw one kind of thing, then another. Nothing was particularly permanent.

I also had a good deal of friends that I met with over the course of my life. There was one person who I met and bonded with over the fact that we both played Dungeons and Dragons and preferred many of the same video games. We since lost contact since the both of us graduated from college. People like that came and went. I was a part of many different clubs in high school and college that I left as I found others groups from theater to board games to comics as time went on. I even moved cities – I went from one part of the country to another, even if I spent half of my life here in the city where I currently reside.

Nothing lasted forever. This was something I came to realize after some time.

As I continued walking I thought some more about the implications of how my life kept moving forward. I immediately realized this wasn’t something I would have done a few years ago – I only knew that life would move forward, and that I would graduate, but never fully considered the implications before. I was doing that now. I was also thinking of where I was last year, and the year before that, and the year before that. A year ago I would have been meeting with a friend that I since had to leave behind. The year before that I would have been aimlessly wandering while trying to find jobs. (Now I have two!) The year before that I was thinking on my life up to that point, spending time before my last year at college and how I would graduate without thinking of what would happen next besides a vague idea of where I wanted to see myself as an artist.

I was thinking of all the changes I had gone through, and the changes that happened in my life over the years. Nothing lasts forever. This is something I realized quickly, and something that I have to keep in mind as I advance through art school and meet more people. I will lose interest in various things that I enjoy doing now as I inevitably end up with less time to do these things then I do now.

But as I was walking home, turning the door, and entering my apartment, and now as I type these words into my blog, I realized there’s something that has since clicked in my brain somehow. It’s something about my current outlook that reflects who I am now and how I’ve developed as a person. What I noticed now – even if I have to give up some of the things I do now and my life changes – is this;

I don’t have vague ideas anymore.

I have a plan, a clear roadmap to my goal of becoming an animator, and (I hope) all the determination I need to finally get there.

Author: duzel

Just a guy with a blog, writing about things that I feel like writing about.

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